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Archive for April, 2009
Wednesday, April 29th, 2009
Watching Jon Stewart on The Daily Show several nights ago I was struck with his capacity as a humorist. He took fear about the swine flu outbreak and brought it to a universal level. First, he talked about himself, how grateful he was to get outside and exercise on a beautiful Sunday and his relief over a slight upswing in our down economy. Then how the news of a potential pandemic had him look up and wonder why God is so angry with us.
I had a good belly laugh, recognizing my own similar thoughts. Humorists are critical to us in dark times. We need the brilliance of those who can connect to our pain and help us laugh, even for a brief moment. In “Don’t Bring It to Work: Breaking the Family Patterns that Limit Success” I talk about how the office clown, as irritating as squeaky chalk on a board, can become a humorist and give us moments of respite.
Why does the clown annoy and the humorist enhance? The pattern of becoming the office clown originated in the family. It was a survival role to make up for sadness, fear, and to deflect the family away from tension. Youngsters who take on the role of clown develop a strong inner radar detector that goes off when stress is in the room, any room. They take this sensitivity to school and then to the workplace.
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Tags: Behavioral Patterns, Business, family patterns, Fear, Health, Leadership, pattern aware
Posted in Communication, Economy, Fear, Health, Leadership, Patterns, Reflections, The media | No Comments »
Monday, April 27th, 2009
“Economically induced stress” is affecting everybody. It grabs us when we go to the grocery store or think about taking a summer vacation. At work most folks are feeling the strain of doing more with less; much, much, less. Employees are sitting at desks with heads down and you can hear mutterings “being buried under the workload”.
It is so easy to slide back to old survival behaviors when stress hits the hot button. That’s when the old fight or flight parts of the brain light up. Fear of not having enough, be it food, time or money plays an endless song that makes us depressed. Did you ever notice when you feel under siege the tendency is to talk caveman (or cavewoman) style in short grunts? Someone asks, “Did you get the proposal done?” and the answer is a quick “Yup”. Or another queries “Will we meet the deadline?” and the response is “Nope”. How about “Do you have any ideas for getting new clients?” to be greeted with a guttural “Ug”!
When we understand the dynamics of relationships and how our brains operate under stress we can make some subtle yet significant changes. In my book “Don’t Bring It to Work: Breaking the Family Patterns that Limit Success” and in my Total Leadership Connections program I give lots of tips and tools for breaking the cycle of pattern repetition to help you move into new brain territory. Here’s one for starters. The front of the brain, the neo-cortex (new brain) likes it when we do something to help others. So, one way to bring the stress meter down is to take a minute and email someone with a quick “Thinking about you and hope you are good”. Or you can take two cups of coffee/tea/chai/ and join an office mate for a quick breather. Or go for the gold, call your mother!
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Tags: Behavioral Patterns, Business, Communication, Economy, Fear, Leadership, neuropsychology, Neuroscience
Posted in Business, Communication, Conflict, Economy, Employers, Fear, Leadership, Neuroscience | No Comments »
Wednesday, April 22nd, 2009
Need to cut back? How about cutting back on back-biting, gossip, human resource complaints, in your face arguing, and legal issues. In my book “Dont Bring It to Work” I show why most workplaces are rife with negativity and tension. And with the economy causing stress to hit the hot button most of us are reverting back to patterns we learned as children that were survival mechanisms. Picture the family dinner table and overlay with the office meeting table. Same behaviors. No wonder we see our co-workers acting like babies.
It is less expensive to get along! And when companies invest in helping emplyees learn to harness their old, outmoded reactions there is room for innovative ideas to show up. Yes, even in this economy.
These concepts may seem counter-intuitive in a world of judging and blaming. Yet, we have a great opportunity to respond to the present economic downturn learning how to turn complaining into cooperating. No, this isn’t fluff, it is at the core of understanding the secret of relationships at work.
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Posted in Conflict, Economy, Employers | No Comments »
Wednesday, April 22nd, 2009
If we take seriously the research in brain evolution words like reciprocity, cooperation, tolerance, and helping will become a vital part of the lexicon. We can move away from the trappings of success through “stuff” and begin to look towards happiness as being part of something greater than ourselves. We will do what we ask our kids to do, share and be inclusive. Somewhere between childhood and adulthood we forget about the social brain.
Business and business leaders are in a unique position to contribute to whole system change that will make the pleasure centers of the social brain light up. We will experience delight in moving past the past, the place of fight or flight and create work environments with the motto we use in our “Total Leadership Connections” program — We are all connected and no one wins unless we all do. When we first talk about this in our four session seminar most think this is “tree hugging” jargon. However, by the last session, when those brain centers light up from “doing well by doing good” there is a sense of comfort and deep intuition that yes, there is a better way to be together in business, that more is not always better, sometimes it is even toxic. Maybe this economy is preparing to show up that unemployment and meaningless work may well beome obsolete and we can create a society in which evereyone has the oportunity to be engaged in dignified and satisfying work. It’s what our brains want!
See “Check me out” for link to this topic!
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Posted in Business, Collaboration, Communication, Diversity, Employers, Health, Integrity, Leadership, Management, Neuroscience, Patterns, Psychology | No Comments »
Wednesday, April 15th, 2009
During times of vast change Charles Dickens dictum “It is the best of times, it is the worst of times” is right. We are in what can be called the “ugly middle” of economic turmoil where we cannot turn back to the way it was and the new way is still unclear. Everyone is rethinking fiscal priorities, looking at issues regarding money, and what matters through a different lens than was used even one year ago.
Many of us turn to old survival methods of behaving and are rude, angry and defensive. It is then “the worst of times”. Others, however, are taking a new tack and looking at how to find creative ways of working together. Then it can become” “the best of times”. In my book “Don’t Bring It to Work: Breaking the Family Patterns that Limit Success” I show the route out of the old, survival modes of behaving learned as children to help the family survive and function to their healthy opposites that benefit the individual and the community.
Interestingly, evolutionary biologists, psychologists, and economists have been researching the what and how of cooperation between human beings that underlines what I talk about in my book. Unselfish behavior, called “altruism” is showing up in many work settings where folks are willing to take pay cuts so there do not have to be layoffs. Those who would ordinarily only work for personal gain are suggesting bonuses be put in a pool to keep everyone’s job safe. Sharing rather than protecting one’s turf is happening in organizations everywhere.
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Tags: Accountability, Business, Conflict, Economy, family patterns, Family-Based Patterns, Leadership
Posted in Accountability, Business, Conflict, Economy, Fear, Leaders, Leadership, Patterns, Reflections | No Comments »
Thursday, April 9th, 2009
It is the time of “the envelope please!” No, not the Oscars, college acceptances. Those innocuous white envelopes carry within the future of so many of our children. There is either acceptance and celebration or rejection and depression. So often the kids carry the burden of the lost dreams and hopes of the parents. For many getting into the “right” college is what high school is all about. Again, we are at a crossroads as we look at the patterned responses to the question “What really matters?”
Maybe now, with the economy still tanking and there can be another perspective of why our children go to college and what they are meant to learn there. My guess is there will be less beer parties till the kids drop and more extra jobs to help with tuition. My guess is there will be some who delay college because of finances and join either the Peace Corps or some other organization that will give tuition support later. Maybe, just maybe, this is the time for parents to ask for help and let their youngsters begin the growing up processs by taking a responsible position toward their own money needs and requirements. Perhaps we are finally at a place to learn that more is not necessarily better, in fact more can often be toxic.
Maybe the good from the present economy is that we will become pattern aware and begin new ways of relating with ourselves, our family, our work colleagues and with the earth itself. Charles Dickens said it well: “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times!”
Tags: Accountability, Behavioral Patterns, Business, Education, Leadership, Management, Relationships
Posted in Accountability, Business, Education, Leadership, Management, PatternAware, Patterns | No Comments »
Wednesday, April 8th, 2009
Blaming is such an easy game to play. We all do it and we all learned it early in our lives. “Who stole the cookie from the cookie jar?” always ends in “Not me! It was him, her or them.” Right now, the blame game winners are big business and privileged nations starting with America. Yet, neither the corporations nor nations are at the root of our problems. We need to dig deeper and look at the patterns and belief system that we have all bought into.
Since the Industrial Revolution, the central project of society has become economic production and consumption. We have moved from being citizens to becoming consumers. In fact, a good citizen is a great consumer. Our highest values have been acquiring material goods. Keeping up with the Jones’ has stayed deep within our psyches. If you made a $2 million deal and your golf partner just made a $10 million deal you begin to feel inadequate or worthless or jealous. Is it true that we only have a strong sense of self worth when we show ourselves through our clothes, cars and houses?
So our bigger question is, “What is the central project of society?” How will rethinking a post industrial central project impact business, healthcare and education? And what roles do leaders play in helping to make people pattern aware? Unless we look at how deeply the pattern of consumerism is embedded and what the costs have been to work and personal relationships we will find ourselves wandering in circles of greed and blame, haves and have nots, winners and losers.
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Tags: Blame, Business, Leadership, pattern aware, Patterns
Posted in Business, Leadership, PatternAware, Patterns | No Comments »
Friday, April 3rd, 2009
So exciting! A lifetime of research, tenacity, and dreams is now bound in a blue and gold volume called, “Don’t Bring It to Work: Breaking the Family Patterns that Limit Success.” While it took me less than three months to deliver the book, it was more than a thirty year pregnancy. From the time I was a kid I always wondered “Why do people behave like that?” I would watch relatives, school chums, and neighbors play the gotcha game and see the delighted smiles of the winners over the losers. I must admit, I learned to be a strong winner and yet there was always this nagging thought “There has to be a better way”. And that is what “Don’t Bring It to Work” is all about. Especially during these times of vast change we need to rethink priorities. This book is my unique contribution to help make the world of work, to help make our home planet, a more user friendly place where we can all begin to see that “We are all connected and no one wins unless we all do.”
Tags: Book, Business, Leadership, Management, Patterns
Posted in Leadership, Management, Patterns | No Comments »
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