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Archive for July, 2009
Friday, July 31st, 2009
 This is the MOST difficult pattern to expose and transform in the workplace. Splitters seem so congenial and helpful. They always want to be your best friend. They always talk about how much they can help “watch your back”.
Splitters are perfect CIA agents and often act as such in the office. They often have private information meant for your ears only, to “help” with your success. Yet, behind closed doors they will sell you to the highest bidder.
Masters of covert power games, they use innuendo, emotional bribery, mixed messages, and gossip to keep their hidden power. Corporate environments are fertile ground for splitters, because in most companies, emotional openness is considered either a sign of weakness or as potentially dangerous to be so open.
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Tags: Accountability, Behavioral Patterns, Coaching, Communication, Conflict, family patterns, Family-Based Patterns, Leaders, Leadership, leadership programs, pattern aware, Patterns, Psychology, Transformation, Workplace Relationships
Posted in Accountability, Coaching, Collaboration, Communication, Conflict, Leaders, Leadership, Management, PatternAware, Patterns, Transformation, Workplace Relationships | No Comments »
Thursday, July 30th, 2009
Denial, as the joke goes, is more than a river in Egypt. It is something we all do on occasion when what confronts us is too hard to fathom. So, we say, “No, this isn’t happening”. Has to be a dream…mistake….joke…. And then, we pull ourselves up and do what we have to do, most of the time, some of the time.
Except deniers! They refuse to heed warnings and will do what they have always done the way they have always done it. Ever wonder why? Ever hear the expression “Better safe than sorry”? That is the mantra for the denier. Usually there was a trauma that happened in the family that went underground, too painful to discuss and the youngster learned that the best way to handle anxiety, stress, and pain is simply to ignore it, pretend it away.
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Tags: Accountability, Behavioral Patterns, Bob Woodward, Business, Coaching, Collaboration, Communication, Conflict, Deniers, Education, family patterns, Family-Based Patterns, Fear, George W. Bush, Leadership, leadership programs, Management, pattern aware, Patterns, Politics, Power, programs, Stress, Transformation
Posted in Accountability, Coaching, Collaboration, Communication, Conflict, Consulting, Education, Employers, Fear, History, Honor, Integrity, Leaders, Leadership, Management, PatternAware, Patterns, Politics, Power, Psychology, Reflections, Transformation | No Comments »
Wednesday, July 29th, 2009
 When I conduct one day Pattern Aware Programs at companies the same thing happens over and over. At the lunch break, everyone talks about a boss, co-worker, mother-in-law, ex-partner or neighbor who fits perfectly into the pattern mold. There is always a joke or well chosen barb.
Then in the afternoon comes the hard work of the game we call “owning your pattern”. A bit uncomfortable, yet people still leave with a sense of humor and a lot of humility.
One of the most common patterns in today’s work place, especially as you go up the corporate ladder is the super-achiever. No, I’m not talking about those who strive for excellence and can take a breath and give others room to be in the show. I mean “the must excel at all costs” people.
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Tags: Accountability, Behavioral Patterns, Business, Coaching, Collaboration, Communication, Conflict, Consulting, Ethics, family patterns, Family-Based Patterns, Harvard Business Review, Leaders, Leadership, leadership programs, Management, pattern aware, Patterns, programs, Ralph Lauren
Posted in Accountability, Boss, Business, Coaching, Collaboration, Communication, Conflict, Consulting, Employers, Ethics, Honor, Integrity, Leaders, Leadership, Management, PatternAware, Patterns, Super Achiever, Transformation | 1 Comment »
Tuesday, July 28th, 2009
 What exactly happens when people come together to discuss contentious issues? Normally all sides are consciously willing to talk in a fair and balanced way, and unconsciously prepared to protect their points of view. There may be a verbal “I really want to understand your perspective”, yet, underneath survival mechanisms are at play.
Thus, the traditional double bind is working. We want to listen, seem willing to change and yet, and yet. Samuel Goldwyn, long time head of MGM Studios in Hollywood said it best: “I don’t want any “yes-men” around me; I want everybody to tell the truth, even if it costs them their jobs”. Somewhere in our growing up we learned what is safe and what will cost us, our careers or maybe even our lives. So most of us shut up and go with the party line.
Double bind! Whether you agree or disagree, you lose! If you speak up you can cause trouble and if you don’t you are selling a part of your soul. Camps are set up. Isn’t that the game we play all the time? This no-win mentality so prevalent in many organizations keeps people from being able to really talk together, to engage in honest dialogue.
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Tags: Accountability, Arianna Huffington, Business, Coaching, Collaboration, Communication, Conflict, Diversity, Ethics, Jon Stewart, Leaders, Leadership, leadership programs, Media, Politics, President Obama, Professor Gates, Rush Limbaugh, Samuel Goldwyn, Sarah Palin, Sgt. Crowley
Posted in Accountability, Business, Coaching, Collaboration, Communication, Conflict, Diversity, Honor, Integrity, Leaders, Leadership, Media, Power | No Comments »
Monday, July 27th, 2009
Tags: Accountability, Behavioral Patterns, Coaching, Communication, Conflict, Education, Ethics, family patterns, Family-Based Patterns, Fear, Henry Louis Gates Jr., Leaders, Leadership, leadership programs, pattern aware, Patterns, Politics, Power, programs, Psychology, Sankofa, Sgt. James Crowley, Stress
Posted in Accountability, Coaching, Collaboration, Communication, Conflict, Diversity, Education, Ethics, Fear, Honor, Integrity, Leaders, Leadership, Management, Media, Neuroscience, PatternAware, Patterns, Politics, Power, Psychology, The media, Transformation | No Comments »
Friday, July 24th, 2009
 If you ever want to scream and pull your hair out day after day, hang out with procrastinators. They inevitably mess up time schedules and project deadlines and leave an angry mob at the door.
Take Abraham Lincoln who had a Civil war to fight and his Commander in Chief George McClellan. The army guy was unwilling to attack. He was hemming and hawing to the point that a frustrated Lincoln recalled him to Washington saying, “My dear McClellan: If you don’t want to use the army I should like to borrow it for awhile”!
So, why the wait? It usually stems from anxiety about choice. Procrastinators were often children of super achievers who felt they could never, ever measure up to their parents demands. Better to wait it out than to be yelled at and humiliated.
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Tags: Abraham Lincoln, Accountability, Behavioral Patterns, Business, Coaching, Collaboration, Commander in Chief George McClellan, Communication, Conflict, Fear, Leaders, Leadership, leadership programs, pattern aware, Patterns, Power, programs, Transformation
Posted in Business, Coaching, Communication, Conflict, Consulting, Diversity, Education, Fear, History, Honor, Integrity, Leaders, Leadership, Management, PatternAware, Patterns, Power, Super Achiever, Transformation | 3 Comments »
Thursday, July 23rd, 2009
 Did you know a good belly laugh is great medicine for your immune system? Are you the kind who chuckles, snorts or can just laugh out loud? “It all depends” you say. Of course it all depends on what you think is funny and it all depends especially on the timing.
That’s what separates the office clown from the humorist. One is an artist, the other is an annoyance. Often the office clown was the kid who was the class clown, the one always being told to “button your lips” in third grade and sent to the discipline office in middle school.
What is at the core of the poor timing and often terrible jokes that make the office clown so offensive? These are people who want to cause distractions, and they do. There is an unconscious reason for wanting to divert attention that is rarely understood. The clown can pick up the unsaid anger and upset in a meeting and out of their own need to protect themselves and others they blurt out the bad joke just at the time that tensions are over the top.
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Tags: Accountability, Behavioral Patterns, Business, Coaching, Communication, Conflict, Education, Family-Based Patterns, Leadership, leadership programs, pattern aware, Patterns, programs, Psychology, Team Building, Transformation, Workplace Relationships
Posted in Accountability, Business, Coaching, Collaboration, Communication, Conflict, Education, Employers, Executive Teams, History, Integrity, Leaders, Leadership, Management, PatternAware, Patterns, Team Building, Transformation, Workplace Relationships | No Comments »
Wednesday, July 22nd, 2009
 What kind of response do you expect when you save a baby from a burning building? Or swim to shore with someone who was flailing in the water ready to go under? Is a pleasant “Thank you” enough? Or do you expect a monetary reward, a story on the internet, or perhaps a gala party?
Think about how you feel when you rescue someone from being hit by a fast moving car, or give help preparing for an exam, or give an exhausted mom a break from a crying baby. It usually feels great to help someone out of a jam. And most of us are willing to accept a thank you and then move on.
Not so with a professional rescuer! They love to jump in and save and save and save someone, anyone, from something, anything. And at work the rescuer is a busy beaver building up egos or tearing them down depending on whose side they are on.
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Tags: Accountability, Behavioral Patterns, Business, Coaching, Communication, Conflict, Leaders, Leadership, leadership programs, Management, pattern aware, Patterns, Transformation, Workplace Relationships
Posted in Accountability, Business, Coaching, Collaboration, Communication, Conflict, Consulting, Employers, Leaders, Leadership, Management, PatternAware, Patterns, Transformation, Workplace Relationships | No Comments »
Monday, July 20th, 2009
 Did you ever feel like the world was absolutely, categorically against you? Did you ever feel like even your best friend was looking at you with disdain? Ever feel like just pulling the covers over your head and never, ever, ever getting out of bed? Question, “So what do you do”? Most of us pick ourselves up, brush ourselves off and start all over again. I said “most of us”. Not so for the victim.
Victims are made, not born. Tracking the beginning time when a victim became so helpless and defenseless goes back to a parent or caretaker who was excessively judging and blaming. The victim took on the feelings of inadequacy and fearfulness as if it was a custom designed overcoat. It is one they rarely take off regardless of the weather or changes in fashion.
What leadership techniques and tools can help a victim feel more empowered? This is a critical question, especially since it is not the manager or leader who helped form the victim in the first place. It is essential that leadership understands that underneath victims are very powerful individuals. They make triangulation an art form. That means they know how to run, and run fast, to find a rescuer who will take up their cause against anyone who ever attempts to blame or shame them.
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Tags: Accountability, Behavioral Patterns, Coaching, Collaboration, Communication, Conflict, family patterns, Family-Based Patterns, Fear, Leaders, Leadership, leadership programs, Management, pattern aware, Patterns, Transformation
Posted in Accountability, Business, Coaching, Collaboration, Communication, Conflict, Consulting, Employers, Executive Teams, Fear, Integrity, Leaders, Leadership, Management, PatternAware, Patterns, Transformation | No Comments »
Friday, July 17th, 2009
 Drama Kings & Queens One of the most intriguing leadership challenges concerns office drama. The TV series “30 Rock” and “The Office” are great examples of how drama kings and queens take up so much air time at work. What makes drama so pervasive and so time consuming? Easy, it is a fun distraction. If we are prone to hold our emotions to ourselves, we all love to get a vicarious hit of emotional juice from another colleague. We can sit back and watch and still get the residuals from the floods of emotions in the room. By the way, this works in marriage too. Those of us who don’t like to express emotions often choose a partner who could get an Oscar for sighing, crying, and yelling.
Here is what you need to know if you are, work with, or live with a drama king or queen. These folks are often highly intelligent and possess extraordinary vocabularies. They love to stir things up and love gossip, rumors, personal traumas, and creating emotional breakdowns. While this may seem an incredible waste of time it has a deep purpose. It is much more than a craving for personal attention. It is a deflection technique. No, the drama hero does not consciously think “I’ll have a hissy fit to divert attention”, rather, it is an unconscious mechanism that kicks in to maintain the status quo.
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Tags: Accountability, Behavioral Patterns, Business, Coaching, Collaboration, Communication, Conflict, Education, family patterns, Family-Based Patterns, Fear, Leaders, Leadership, leadership programs, Management, pattern aware, Patterns, Transformation
Posted in Accountability, Coaching, Collaboration, Communication, Conflict, Consulting, Education, Employers, Fear, Leaders, Leadership, Management, PatternAware, Patterns, Transformation | No Comments »
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